Post by Everose on Mar 31, 2013 19:22:55 GMT -5
Once'd apon a time, thar were a ginormus fish nam'd Doby Mick.
Doby were mean as they's comes.
Fer many many many...lotsa years...Doby swimmed tha seas sinkin' boats an' sceerin' sailors an' ever'body!
They's all says tha' when Doby swims away, just afore he goes back down unner tha water, he blows a big water spout outta tha hole in 'is head, sorta like he's a-laugin' at tha folks he sceered.
One day, whilst swimmin' aroun' lookin' fer sumone ta sceer, Doby hear'd a funny noise a-floatin' 'cross tha water, so he swimmed ta tha soun'...an' thar he saw a ship jus' a-sailin' along, an' at tha fron' o' tha ship were a hobbit playin' an ol' sea shanny on 'is pighorn.
Now this weren' no ordinry hobbit, ye knows...no siree! This here were tha famus Cap'n Agab, tha mos'es' famus sea sailin' hobbit in all tha shire!
When Cap'n Agab saw ol' Doby, he were fair suppris'd, an' afore he coul' soun' tha alarm, Doby jump'd outta tha water an' bit off poor Cap'n Agab's han' wha' was holdin' tha pighorn!
Then off swimmed Doby, but afore he wen' down unner tha water, he goed ta blow a water spout, but ta 'is supprise, tha pighorn he swaller'd got stuck in
'is hole an' 'stead o' water, he were a-tootin' tha thar pighorn!
Well, Cap'n Agab's ship sail'd back ta tha shire so's tha cap'n coul' acooperate, but Doby think'd tha cap'n tasted so yummy from tha' one bite, he wann'ed more, so's Doby foller'd tha ship all tha way up tha Brannywine, an' thar he lurk'd, jus' a-waitin' an' a-bidin' 'is time.
Now, ol' Cap'n Agab had a perty lil dautter nam'd Mona, an' ever' day whilst her papa was acooperatin', Mona wen' out a-pickin' fresh berries in tha fores'.
"Ye be careful in them woods, Mona! They's lotsa wil' bears an' such!", her papa says.
"Imma be careful, Papa...Imma keeps me pockit full o' pepper ta throw jus' in case!".
Well, this one day, lil Mona wen' a-wandrin' perty far, and comed 'cross a house made o' pie!
Well, ye knows how us's hobbits jus' LOVES pie! an' Mona was perty hungry from wandrin', so's she wen' up ta tha house an' brok'd off a lil piece, jus' fer a snack, ye see...but a sceery voice come outta tha winnow, an' when Mona look'd ta see who be thar, she see'd a wickety ol' hag a-starin' at her.
"Is ye a-munchin' on me house, lil hobbit?" ask'd tha wickety hag.
Well, Mona be sceer'd almos' outta her britches, so's she says back, "No no, Imma dun' be a-munchin' on yer house!"
But tha wickety hag, she kin sees tha places whar Mona was a-nibblin', so's she says, "Ye be a-lyin' lil hobbit, an' Imma teech ye a lessin!".
Then tha wickety hag waggl'd her bony finners at poor Mona, and were a-mumblin' an' a-twitchin', an' alla sudd'n, Mona were turn'd ta a wood'n girl!
Well, tha wickety hag, she laff'd an' cakkl'd at poor Mona, an' says, "Frum now on, ye kin only says lies!" An' she shut up her winnow.
Poor Mona wen' a-runnin' back home, a-cryin' an' a-wailin' an' folks was a-stoppin' her an' askin' wha' happn'd.
"A wickety ol' hag turn'd me ta wood!" she cries, an' alla sudd'n, Mona's nose starts ta growin', an' tha folks was 'stonish'd!
An' then Mona amember'd wha' tha wickety hag tol' her 'bout sayin' lies.
"No, no," says Mona, "It were tha' big gian' way up on tha hill tha' turn'd me ta wood!", an' as she was a-lyin', Mona's nose were a-shrinkin'!
So's then Mona were a-runnin' agin ta git home, but she dun tripp'd and fell'd an' roll'd down a big hill and splash! righ' inta tha Brannywine! An' who does ye thinks be a-lurkin' thar?? Doby Mick! An' he swaller'd up Mona whole!
Well, when poor ol' Cap'n Agab dun hear'd 'bout his lil Mona, he up and lef' 'is acooperatin' and set out ta fin' Doby Mick.
As he was a-sailin' down tha Brannywine, he coul' hear tha' mean ol' Doby a-tootin', an' foller'd 'im way out ta sea, but tha fish, he kep' jus' outta Cap'n Agab's sites.
But deep insides o' Doby, Mona were a-tryin' ta git out, an' she amembers tha' pockit full o' pepper, so's she gits ta sprinklin' tha pepper all 'round Doby's innerds, an' quick as a wink, Doby gits ta sneezin', an' out flies Mona!
Ye'd be thinkin' tha' now Mona be safe, righ'? No siree!
'Cause ye see, when Mona come a-shootin' outta Doby's innerds, she dun bang'd up her head on a rock an' were subconshus, an' ain' nobody coul' wakes her up!
So's Cap'n Agab bring'd Mona back home an' she lay'd in her bed, nappin' fer a hunnerd years, an' folks frum ever'whars came ta see tha sleepin' wood'n hobbit lass.
Then one day, along come seven hobbit fellas, an' they be a-wantin' ta see Sleepin' Mona, an' when they sees her, they be a-thinkin' how perty she be, so's tha firs' hobbit fella, he leans in an' kisses her cheek, an' ta ever'body's supprise, Mona's cheek dun' be wood an'more!
So each o' tha hobbit fellas gives Mona's cheek a kiss, an' wit' each kiss, more o' tha wood goes away, till tha very las' fella gives her a kiss on tha mouth an' Mona waked up an' were back ta bein' a real hobbit lass!
Frum tha' day on, Mona always tell'd tha truth.
Cap'n Agab gaved up sailin' an' now he be a-farmin' wit' a lil shovel 'tached ta whar 'is han' got bit off.
Up on tha hill in tha fores', tha gian' tha' Mona said turn'd her ta wood...well, tha folks wen' up thar an' beat 'im senseless, an' he ne'er knowd why....but now he be mean as all git out!
An' wha' 'bout Doby Mick, ye asks?
Well, if'n yer ever travlin' along tha Brannywine an' ye hears a mysterius tootin'.....well, tha jus' migh' be 'im!
Tha En'
Doby were mean as they's comes.
Fer many many many...lotsa years...Doby swimmed tha seas sinkin' boats an' sceerin' sailors an' ever'body!
They's all says tha' when Doby swims away, just afore he goes back down unner tha water, he blows a big water spout outta tha hole in 'is head, sorta like he's a-laugin' at tha folks he sceered.
One day, whilst swimmin' aroun' lookin' fer sumone ta sceer, Doby hear'd a funny noise a-floatin' 'cross tha water, so he swimmed ta tha soun'...an' thar he saw a ship jus' a-sailin' along, an' at tha fron' o' tha ship were a hobbit playin' an ol' sea shanny on 'is pighorn.
Now this weren' no ordinry hobbit, ye knows...no siree! This here were tha famus Cap'n Agab, tha mos'es' famus sea sailin' hobbit in all tha shire!
When Cap'n Agab saw ol' Doby, he were fair suppris'd, an' afore he coul' soun' tha alarm, Doby jump'd outta tha water an' bit off poor Cap'n Agab's han' wha' was holdin' tha pighorn!
Then off swimmed Doby, but afore he wen' down unner tha water, he goed ta blow a water spout, but ta 'is supprise, tha pighorn he swaller'd got stuck in
'is hole an' 'stead o' water, he were a-tootin' tha thar pighorn!
Well, Cap'n Agab's ship sail'd back ta tha shire so's tha cap'n coul' acooperate, but Doby think'd tha cap'n tasted so yummy from tha' one bite, he wann'ed more, so's Doby foller'd tha ship all tha way up tha Brannywine, an' thar he lurk'd, jus' a-waitin' an' a-bidin' 'is time.
Now, ol' Cap'n Agab had a perty lil dautter nam'd Mona, an' ever' day whilst her papa was acooperatin', Mona wen' out a-pickin' fresh berries in tha fores'.
"Ye be careful in them woods, Mona! They's lotsa wil' bears an' such!", her papa says.
"Imma be careful, Papa...Imma keeps me pockit full o' pepper ta throw jus' in case!".
Well, this one day, lil Mona wen' a-wandrin' perty far, and comed 'cross a house made o' pie!
Well, ye knows how us's hobbits jus' LOVES pie! an' Mona was perty hungry from wandrin', so's she wen' up ta tha house an' brok'd off a lil piece, jus' fer a snack, ye see...but a sceery voice come outta tha winnow, an' when Mona look'd ta see who be thar, she see'd a wickety ol' hag a-starin' at her.
"Is ye a-munchin' on me house, lil hobbit?" ask'd tha wickety hag.
Well, Mona be sceer'd almos' outta her britches, so's she says back, "No no, Imma dun' be a-munchin' on yer house!"
But tha wickety hag, she kin sees tha places whar Mona was a-nibblin', so's she says, "Ye be a-lyin' lil hobbit, an' Imma teech ye a lessin!".
Then tha wickety hag waggl'd her bony finners at poor Mona, and were a-mumblin' an' a-twitchin', an' alla sudd'n, Mona were turn'd ta a wood'n girl!
Well, tha wickety hag, she laff'd an' cakkl'd at poor Mona, an' says, "Frum now on, ye kin only says lies!" An' she shut up her winnow.
Poor Mona wen' a-runnin' back home, a-cryin' an' a-wailin' an' folks was a-stoppin' her an' askin' wha' happn'd.
"A wickety ol' hag turn'd me ta wood!" she cries, an' alla sudd'n, Mona's nose starts ta growin', an' tha folks was 'stonish'd!
An' then Mona amember'd wha' tha wickety hag tol' her 'bout sayin' lies.
"No, no," says Mona, "It were tha' big gian' way up on tha hill tha' turn'd me ta wood!", an' as she was a-lyin', Mona's nose were a-shrinkin'!
So's then Mona were a-runnin' agin ta git home, but she dun tripp'd and fell'd an' roll'd down a big hill and splash! righ' inta tha Brannywine! An' who does ye thinks be a-lurkin' thar?? Doby Mick! An' he swaller'd up Mona whole!
Well, when poor ol' Cap'n Agab dun hear'd 'bout his lil Mona, he up and lef' 'is acooperatin' and set out ta fin' Doby Mick.
As he was a-sailin' down tha Brannywine, he coul' hear tha' mean ol' Doby a-tootin', an' foller'd 'im way out ta sea, but tha fish, he kep' jus' outta Cap'n Agab's sites.
But deep insides o' Doby, Mona were a-tryin' ta git out, an' she amembers tha' pockit full o' pepper, so's she gits ta sprinklin' tha pepper all 'round Doby's innerds, an' quick as a wink, Doby gits ta sneezin', an' out flies Mona!
Ye'd be thinkin' tha' now Mona be safe, righ'? No siree!
'Cause ye see, when Mona come a-shootin' outta Doby's innerds, she dun bang'd up her head on a rock an' were subconshus, an' ain' nobody coul' wakes her up!
So's Cap'n Agab bring'd Mona back home an' she lay'd in her bed, nappin' fer a hunnerd years, an' folks frum ever'whars came ta see tha sleepin' wood'n hobbit lass.
Then one day, along come seven hobbit fellas, an' they be a-wantin' ta see Sleepin' Mona, an' when they sees her, they be a-thinkin' how perty she be, so's tha firs' hobbit fella, he leans in an' kisses her cheek, an' ta ever'body's supprise, Mona's cheek dun' be wood an'more!
So each o' tha hobbit fellas gives Mona's cheek a kiss, an' wit' each kiss, more o' tha wood goes away, till tha very las' fella gives her a kiss on tha mouth an' Mona waked up an' were back ta bein' a real hobbit lass!
Frum tha' day on, Mona always tell'd tha truth.
Cap'n Agab gaved up sailin' an' now he be a-farmin' wit' a lil shovel 'tached ta whar 'is han' got bit off.
Up on tha hill in tha fores', tha gian' tha' Mona said turn'd her ta wood...well, tha folks wen' up thar an' beat 'im senseless, an' he ne'er knowd why....but now he be mean as all git out!
An' wha' 'bout Doby Mick, ye asks?
Well, if'n yer ever travlin' along tha Brannywine an' ye hears a mysterius tootin'.....well, tha jus' migh' be 'im!
Tha En'